shining too bright

13th March 2014

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This was my office this afternoon. Seriously.

It is thrilling beyond comprehension that I have been able to cover most of the costs of this trip through our retreat and working with my coaching clients over the last few months.  I have made this life happen through the power of my own brain and the belief in my own heart. Bloody hell!

And yet. I hesitated posting that pic.

Because I remember so well what it feels like to look at someone living this kind of life, and to feel feelings not exactly consistent with the teachings of Jesus.

I remember feeling resentful and confused and like there was something wrong with me. I was sad and scared because I felt like time was running out. And every time I read something on the internet about how awesome and free the life of a contemporary was turning out, I wanted to stab her. Repeatedly.

But this was nothing to do with anyone else. The truth is that I did not believe that I could have that freedom, that awesome life. And I was super-pissed with myself, the universe and everything.

It all turned around in a moment. Just over two years ago, when I allowed myself to take a break from all the shitawfulness,  I wrote this post – about a cafe in the countryside. I thought it was a literal place but I realise now that it was a giant metaphor. I wanted to create somewhere for you and I to meet for coffee and a real conversation in front of a cozy fire. And if you wanted something a little more filling, that was totally on the menu. It was a place that supported adventures and creativity and stories and nourishment.

Since I had that vision of a future me, I have taken a million little steps towards here. Sometimes its been sheer crapola when I felt like I was standing still, like it would take forever. But I just had to keep going, to trust that my gut feeling was right – that this was all leading somewhere really great.

And it was. The Place is now my whole freakin’ life!

Interestingly, I have noticed this irritating mosquito bite of a fear right now, that you will only see the recent shiny surface stuff.  And you will be repelled by all this freedom and joy, and you won’t want to be friends anymore.  That somehow if I am not suffering, I won’t be interesting.

But instead of buying into that-which-I-know-to-be-bullshit, I am just going to take a million more little steps forward. And trust that you are along for the ride.

The warrior’s approach is to say yes to life: yes to it all. We cannot cure the world of sorrows, but we can choose to live in joy – Joseph Campbell

 

ABOUT SAS

Hello, I'm Sas Petherick. I'm a self-doubt researcher, coach and podcaster who helps thinking humans transcend self-doubt. If you'd like to receive these posts in your inbox please subscribe here (with bonus info and first notice of opportunities to work with me). PS: I totallyInstagram - join me there?

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