re-entry lessons: is this freedom or chaos?

8th June 2018

This post was first shared with the Thoughtful Coaches Insider community. 


So I went to Italy. To Jane’s Loving Kindness Retreat.

And I honestly thought I would get so much work done. At the very least, writing my new course and planning out the rest of the year. Oh I had such high hopes for myself!

But then Tuscany happened.

In particular, a moment during the first yoga practice while doing hip openers on the floor of a several-hundred-year-old wine cellar. It turns out that I did not have a relationship with my pelvis.

But once this cracked open a teeny bit, lots of stuff flooded out. Somewhat literally, as I lay there weeping on the floor, slightly embarrassed and incapable of stopping.

I cried every day for nine days. Often for no reason but the sheer beauty unfolding around me. And quite possibly the gelato.

It felt good to cry! And to laugh. We laughed A LOT. It was easy. Joyful. I want more.

After years of virtual connection, it was a complete gift to hang out with Jane who is a freakin’ divine light.

I have come home changed. Though I am not sure how exactly. It felt like something has been opened up in me, and lots of disparate parts have started to integrate.

I am wary of making big decisions during post-holiday euphoria, but I am also sensing that some shifts are impending.

I know I want to stop feeling so busy, I want to have more fun outside of work. I want more in-person connection, more writing (two posts in two weeks, I KNOW). I want to delegate more and ask for help. I want to feel more free and joyous in my work.

Something has wants to give.

It has been seven years since I started this business. I love the somewhat mystical theories around seven-year shifts and I wonder if this is also contributing to my restlessness?

And just to go Full Oprah on you one thing I know for sure, is that mostly as adults, and particularly as self-employed folks, we have nothing but choices open to us. There are very few ‘rules’ we need to follow (GDPR notwithstanding ;)) and when it is all up to us, we can often interpret that freedom as chaos. I know I attempt to create certainty all the time, to feel safe and in control.

One of the many lessons I learned from Jane, is how much power there is in not minding what happens.

‘I don’t mind what happens’ might be the secret to everything. I have been practising this for days (during flight delays and the oxymoronic “Easyjet” process, Bohdi rolling in something disgusting every day since I’ve been home, and yesterday I posted my mobile phone with the mail into a post box. I know).

I’m convinced there is something in this idea of loving detachment; of not holding on to tight to expectations, of trusting myself to deal with the outcomes.

So instead of my usual tendency to decide on the objective and work backwards with a nice colour coded plan, I am going to start by intentionally creating more of what I want right now and seeing what happens.

How do you know when you are ready for something to change? How do you go about making changes? Is all that choice more like freedom or more like chaos to you? What might help you embrace the inevitable uncertainty?



Hello, I'm Sas Petherick. I'm a self-doubt researcher, coach and podcaster who helps thinking humans transcend self-doubt. If you'd like to receive these posts in your inbox please subscribe here (with bonus info and first notice of opportunities to work with me). PS: I totallyInstagram - join me there?


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