on looking for the shortcut

7th April 2019

Spring is almost here.

We’ve almost started our house renovation, almost signed up a rental property, I almost feel ready for this massive building project that will involve making hundreds of joint decisions (ack!) while hoovering up every penny of our savings.

All is flux. It’s made of equal parts possibility and dread.

Does it feel like you are often in a place of ‘not quite there’?

Not quite feeling grounded in your work. Not quite through the stage of a fresh relationship to where you feel safe to relax. Not quite Brexited. Not quite ready to tell anyone you are sober / that you have been made redundant / that you are leaving.

I’ve found this ‘not quite’ transitory energy usually follows after we’ve made a decision, or a change is imposed on us.

We don’t yet know what the next part means, who we’ll become, what will happen.

Usually, our sophisticated story-telling brains will attempt to prepare us for the imminent unknown, by rustling up scenarios based on what we have experienced before.

(Or in our case what we have witnessed from watching a decade of Grand Designs. Which is why I keep having visions of pregnant me, staring out of a snow-covered caravan window, waiting for the windows to arrive from Germany).

Usually, these stories are about keeping us safe, protecting us from hurt, disappointment, regret, loss.

Sometimes this means we can’t be here because we are in a state of waiting and wishing and wanting to be there. We just want the shortcut.

Spending our years of apprenticing, wanting to be masterful. Or the single years wishing for someone to be in love with. Waiting for the circumstances to be perfect before we take action.

There is nothing like the grief that comes from realising you have spent years ignoring what you had, because you were waiting for something better.

I’ve spent most of my life neglecting the present moment. Trying to rush through it, avoid the shit bits and get to the next thing.

In doing so, I deprived myself of everything that matters.

Being with what is happening right now is where the joy is: the resilience that comes from doing hard things, the connection that comes from solving problems with others, the fulfilment that comes from being proud of how I did something.

Showing up IS the shortcut.

So I’m trying to be with what is here now.

Connect to that.

Let it teach me.

And trust that the next step will happen soon enough.

Are you looking for the shortcut? What happens if you give who you are right now the attention and encouragement you deserve?

 

ABOUT SAS

Hello, I'm Sas Petherick. I'm a self-doubt researcher, coach and podcaster who helps thinking humans transcend self-doubt. If you'd like to receive these posts in your inbox please subscribe here (with bonus info and first notice of opportunities to work with me). PS: I totallyInstagram - join me there?

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