as big as the sky

July 15, 2014

xantheberkeley_SASSUMMER2014_043image credit: Xanthe Berkeley

 If you’d like to hear me read this to you – with a soundtrack from deep in the woods behind our house where this message came to me/you/all of us – just click here:

 

Dear lovely first-time and love-you-longtime readers all,

I love you.
I love your unwashed body and your morning breath.
I love that you consider a run/yoga/meditation before opting for an extra half an hour in the warm darkness.
I love your gritted teeth as the kids wake up and start arguing. Or suddenly require their sports gear.
I love that you get up and embrace the day – sometimes it astounds me that we ever get out of bed.
I know that you sometimes pretend you are happy when you aren’t.
I know you keep secrets and tell lies.
And I love you still.
I know that you judge others, and this offers you a moment of respite from the voice in your mind judging you.
I know you feel overwhelmed by everything you have to cram into today.
I know that sometimes the mid-morning cake is your only moment of joy.
I know you despair at your hips or arms or cottage cheese belly or the shape of your ears.
I see all of you and I love you.
I know that your life is sometimes tedious, boring, dull.
I know that you want more.
I know that you have big dreams and ideas and possibilities.
I know that sometimes your dreams feel overwhelming.
I love you when don’t think you are worthy.
I love you when you while away whole afternoons shopping online.
Or binge-watching Game of Thrones.
I love you when you hide from your own life.
I know you feel time slipping away.
I know you see the sagging and slowing of you.
I know that you feel like your pain is the only pain.
I love you in your pain.
I know you sometimes feel rage and hate for your boss, your mother, sister, lover, child.
I know that you hurt yourself and the people you love with your thoughts and your actions.
Still my love for you is undiminished.
I know you have moments where you would do anything to escape.
I know that sometimes that ‘anything’ feels ugly to you.
I love you anyway.
There is nothing you could do or say or think or feel that would be too ugly for me to not love you.
There is room for all of you.
I hold your unholdable parts with tenderness.
Because you are all of your painful, ugly thoughts. And your kind loving heart.
You are a soul having a very human experience.
To me, you are magnificent. Vast. Brilliant.
And I love you.
My love for you is as big as the sky.
So you know, there’s that.

sas
  

Leave a reply

30 Responses to “as big as the sky”

  1. Roxanne says:

    I love you Sas.

  2. xanthe says:

    Beautiful.
    Love you too xxx

    • sas says:

      I love you!
      And I love your work in the world – I love that you capture the magnificence that is so much more than the stuff we can touch and feel.

  3. Meg says:

    You. Right back at you my friend.
    ????????????????

  4. I love you, too. Forever and Never and Always and Now.

  5. mindy says:

    big beautiful breathtaking LOVE…. thank you and with so much gratitude for your fierce heart! xoxo

  6. lisa says:

    you have a whole lotta love and i feel every bit of it genuinely. thank you for your love and for saying it aloud. i love you too.

  7. J9 says:

    Just what I needed to read. Soul bearing. Brought tears. Feeling the love, baby xxx

  8. Sofia says:

    Oh. My. God. So beautiful, so many tears…thank you!

  9. Helen says:

    Wonderful, wonderful honest understanding of love. You are the sky, right back at you.

  10. elizabeth says:

    I keep coming back and reading it– maybe you need to print it out and sell it? It’s GORGEOUS SAS– and it must have Xanthe’s photo with it because you are so radiant in that shot .. .xooxox

    • sas says:

      print it out, download it, pin it to the notice board in your office – its priceless baby!

      yes – Xanthe is incredibly talented, like jaw-droppingly good – the Squam in the City peeps are so lucky to get to hang out with her!

  11. jane says:

    the love is leaking out of me… oh being held in that kind of tenderness is an ache of goodness and I realise how lonely for it I am.

    • sas says:

      my wish for you is that you be cloaked and soaked in an overflowing bath of tenderness. so much that you can’t help but laugh at the wonder of it <3

  12. Sophie says:

    Having a wee weep here

  13. Lydia says:

    by your writing, it is clear that you are feeling better please be gentle with yourself and the healing process, blessings and love, lydia

  14. Kelly says:

    LOVE this! Thank you x

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