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| Rex has been 50 Shades of Grey since before it was cool |
Dearest reader, last week I got through the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy*, so now you don’t have to.
Within the first 50 pages we are warned that this is Definitely A Fantasy: our protagonist Anastasia Steele, is a twenty-one year old ‘goofy-but-obviously-beautiful-but-oblivious-to-it’ college graduate. And a virgin. And she has never been on the internet. And the week after graduation, she has two prospective job interviews lined up with publishers. And within a few months of being recruited, she is an Editor (oh the irony!).
Christian Grey is a 27 year old multi-billionaire, with a chopper (steady) and a plane and a boat and a house in Aspen. He is Super Hot. But damaged (sad face). And he lives with his housekeeper and a top security chap in his penthouse apartment replete with white leather furniture and The Playroom, where he likes to sexually control and dominate young brown haired girls. He has had 15 Submissives in all.
Most of the first book is taken up with the well-used plot device: ‘will she won’t she become Submissive Number 16′; a contractual relationship with very strict rules: food, clothes, and wee times all pre-ordained, and she is not allowed to masturbate. But thats ok because Mr Grey can make her come with a whip. Yes really. And anyway, this is just his Super Hot way of working through his ‘mother issues’. So there’s that.
I won’t spoil the ending.
Ultimately, I think its fantastic that there is erotica and porn out there in the world that has been created by women, for women. That James self-published before it was picked up by Vintage is thrilling for the book industry and sales suggest 50 Shades is to women what Harry Potter was to small people: YAY FOR READING!
It is BRILLIANT that women all over the world have been prompted to tune into their sensuality and sexiness. And I can totally understand that for a woman feeling overwhelmed with responsibilities and/or fear about the future, a story that describes a relationship where all of those worries are taken away and your only job is to be beautiful and have A LOT of sex, (some of it involving canes, floggers and La Perla underwear) can all seem quite appealing. Though I am a bit concerned that for those trying BDSM-lite for the first time. Mostly becasue the stark reality might be a bit of a let down, should you not actually find yourself bound with cable-ties on red satin sheets, in a Seattle penthouse listening to Thomas Tallis on repeat, while a Super Hot But Damaged Billionaire flogs your arse.
(Mostly, we just use his dressing gown belt. Neither of us like any kind of pain. Sometimes the cats watch).
Anyway, it needed a freakin’ good edit and it didn’t turn me on at all, but it wasn’t as awful as I expected. The parodies alone are enough to justify the existence of these books in the world. Frankly, its going to take something pretty special to knock Shirley Conran’s Lace off the top of my list of all time best ever sexy books.
*I read them on my ipad kindle thingy, because of The Shame.
Cable ties? Really f’ing dangerous. Just sayin’.
cable ties. and nipple clamps (ooweee).
but no fire. or animals. he has ‘hard limits’ about those.
Nipple clamps are, ahem, fine*. Used judiciously. Cable ties get stuck, cutting off circulation, and are nigh on impossible to remove quickly.
This is my issue with Fifty Shades of Grey. Well, my issue is mostly the appalling prose, but also, it’s a really problematic depiction of BDSM. And, yeah, for people not using dressing gown ties, potentially quite dangerous. Though, far be it from me to suggest what people should use to get their rocks off.
* Where fine is the only thing I am willing to say about that in a public forum.
Did you by any chance see this review? http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/340987215
Brilliant with added gifs..
oh my!
Your summary cracked me up. I loved this review too — it’s an editor (I think?) who wrote a blog post per chapter as she was reading them. http://www.storiesofconflictandlove.com/2012/07/for-tavern-girls.html
Cable ties? This very thought traumatizes me. Well, not really, but it does have me asking AYFKM? Loved your summary, and that goodreads review is hilarious.
I must be incredibly boring. But happy. Nothing would turn me on less than being submissive. Except perhaps being dominating. It is quite hideous standing in the school playground listening to women saying,”Yeah, no, sorry I ain’t bin on Facebook this week I’m readin’ that 50 Shades of Grey. Bloody ‘ell if ‘e did that to me I’d fuckin’ wallop ‘im.”
Get. A. Life. And a man (or hand) that knows what he’s doing.
I guess I’m not a fan : )
Oh holy crap…that goodreads.com review is AWESOME.
As you were.
It really is!
Hi Sas,
I’ve been following your blog for ages, and lo and behold, it’s the post about *that* book that drives me to my first comment!
The goodreads.com review – awesome. The last paragraph pretty much sums up my feelings/horror regarding the book, so I won’t repeat everything she has said.
However I read it (or rather, half of it, before I got distracted by better things) alongside Greer’s The Whole Woman, which really set it off nicely. Most notably the first sex scene where she manages to have two orgasms *and* get ripped in half by his giant penis.
The word ‘liberating’ features on the back of the book; personally it’s the most repressive thing I’ve read in a long time. Scary stuff.
Way to take one for the team, Mrs P. I’m glad it wasn’t completely and totally eye-gouging. (Or is eye gouging a hard limit?)
Frankly, it’s bloody troubling that so many women are getting all hot and bothered by the idea of surrendering all sexual and personal agency to the kind of character who, at times, bears an uncanny resemblance to the category of folk who enjoy drowning kittens for recreation. But I forgot that it’s really actually truly seriously all fine, because he’s good looking, has a big willy, has cash to burn, and a severe personality disorder that’s destined to be a super fun ‘fixer-upper’ project on weekends. I bet that it’s, like, so liberating.
*headdesk*
The Goodreads review is now my Favourite Thing of the Month, by the way
I read your first line, saw the “*” and scrolled to find it’s match. Read that line and nearly spat my tea from laughing.
Then I read the middle.
Tea was put aside until after.
:)
mj.x