the problem with first world problems

photoRex: a massive ball of furry ennui.

We all have our particular flavour of suffering.

Mine has been about my relationships with my body, my grief and my father; believing that I was worthy of a Big Love, and trusting that my true purpose in the world was not in a tower made of glass and steel.

Of course when I was deep in the mire of it, I would never have said I was suffering. Or acknowledged my despair. Such charged words should be reserved for those who have nothing; on some level I thought I was being self-indulgent, needy, selfish.

As first-world sufferers we constantly pepper our disappointments and longings with rationalisations and justifications. That at least we don’t have to worry about being shot by a repressive, militarised government. We aren’t chained to a sewing machine making Nike sweatshirts for £2 an hour. We’re not lining up at a soup kitchen for our next meal. Nor are we subjected to a public stoning if we seek attention outside of marriage.

So actually, its not that bad.

But by dismissing our pain, we exacerbate it.

Suffering isn’t off-set by wealth or privilege or opportunity. It has nothing to do with how smart you are or how much you want things to be different.

To suffer means simply: to endure, to permit.

I’ve coached with so many women who’ve shared their painful thoughts about their lives. I recognise their suffering and I remember the pain of it. The bleakness of it.

Learning how to notice your thinking mind is life-changing – to acknowledge the thoughts are completely real to you, to know they are worthy of your attention – creates a deep intimacy with yourself. Because its not the circumstances of your life that create your flavour of suffering, but the crappiest of your thoughts.

When we reduce our suffering to First World Problems, we diminish ourselves.

Worse, we miss the opportunity to learn the big, universal reason for emotional pain: thats its always an invitation to learn how to transcend our suffering, so that we can know it really is optional.

If you are feeling the pull to make some changes over this Summer, I have a few coaching spots available right now. I’d love to coach with you!
Get all the details right here >>>

9 things I’ve learned after six months of full-time ladypreneurials

bear

This guy is epic at his job (though I worry his little arms will get tired).

  • I’m a CEO. It’s only been in the last few weeks that I have properly completely understood that I need to be a Coach and a business owner.
  • Experimenting is the bestest! Playing with ideas keeps me innovating: the idea of a pinterest-type page of all the things we wanted to let go of just came to me in the shower. And this beautiful, vulnerable community spontaneously formed around Let it Go which led to Rethink.
  • Creating a wait list feels AMAZEBALLS. After being booked out for most of the year, I have just a couple of 1:1 coaching places available (I’ll be changing my packages and rates in September so if you want to work with me over Summer let me know!)
  • Reaching out changes everything. In June I got really intentional about building a support network that would appease my natural extroversion. And I’ve done one thing each week to make this happen. I’ve skyped with super-talented folks whose websites I’ve loitered around for years, and joined a mighty mastermind. Some lovely collaborations are in the wings!
  • I don’t have to do this alone. Choosing to work with a tiny team of experts who share my values and believe in my business, lifts me up every single time we connect *waves madly to Halley & Abby*
  • The numbers really really matter.  Whenever the monthly accounts need looking at, I suddenly want to iron all the things. I’m getting better. Being really mindful helps – acknowledging all the lovely women I have coached with, feeling grateful always, for the ways I get to be of service. I love seeing the progress – I am so freakin’ proud that my business is growing!
  • Strategy is so much easier with experience. I just know so much more now than when I started – about what I am good at, what lights me up, what works for my peeps. So I spent the whole of Wednesday strategizing old school in the garden: big sheets of paper, coloured pens and post-its.
  • I have epic levels of clarity about my purpose. I now have a word of the year for my business: ‘Pioneer’ is all about taking risks and being bold and trusting myself to forge my own path. It feels me with SQUUEEE! I used Christine Kane’s free tool which you can download right here.
  • Its all a little different after The RebootSince my surgery, its like my feet are always rooted in the dirt and I have a direct line to something mega. I think important bits got super healed in there and it’s opened me up in ways I am still getting to grips with. Mostly I am just trying to ride the wave.

And thank YOU dearest reader, for being along for this magical mystery tour. Knowing you are at the other end of this tiny megaphone makes all the difference. 

as big as the sky

as big as the sky

image credit: Xanthe Berkeley  If you’d like to hear me read this to you – with a soundtrack from deep in the woods behind our house where this message came to me/you/all of us – just click here:   Dear lovely first-time and love-you-longtime readers all, I love you. I love your unwashed body and […]

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the reboot

the reboot

As they wheeled me into theatre, I took lots of deep slow breaths. I noticed the smell first: metallic and antiseptic, I was momentarily transported back to the communal outdoor swimming pool of my childhood. An Indian man in scrubs smiled kindly and introduced himself – he chattered away, apologising for the temperature of the […]

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the importance of the good pyjamas

the importance of the good pyjamas

Up until now, my heart surgery has mostly been ‘That Thing Happening Later This Year’. But its tomorrow. Super early in the morning, we’ll drive to the Harley Street Heart Clinic. A tiny team of (presumably, hopefully) very well-trained and knowledgeable peeps, who deeply value humans and their hearts, will carefully cauterise the scar tissue from […]

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tales from the coaching couch: are you a drama llama?

tales from the coaching couch: are you a drama llama?

Could most of your relationships be described as ‘it’s complicated’? Do you find yourself doing and saying things that don’t feel great, but that keep your interactions with other people ‘interesting’? Today’s episode is just for you! We are talking about what drama does and why it can be so seductive. Plus I am sharing a coaching tool for […]

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two random moments when i totally lost my shit

two random moments when i totally lost my shit

it was nothing like this Last week, two of the Worst Things I can Imagine, happened. Not the Worst WORST Things – like, no one has died. And this is not coming to you from a make-shift underground bunker in Austria or anything. But still. Exhibit A: On the morning we left for France, freshly moisturised […]

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anniversary, the third

anniversary, the third

He’d made a dinner reservation at the hotel overlooking the mouth of the Sienne, and it was such a long way to drive, why didn’t we stay? And so thats how we ended up eating under centuries old oak beams which used to be La Ferme Saint Simeon Inn. For 40 years after 1825, jugs of […]

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